As a server I see many different people come into our restaurant. There are many people that give you an attitude and look at you with a belittling look on their face. Yes I am a server but it is getting me through college. They continue with this attitude and at the end of their meal they say how much a wonderful server I am with a big smile on their face. It is a complete 180. This always confuses me because they are complete jerks in the beginning. Then one day a wife told me that the guy is a grump when he is hungry. Then it came to me full circle. I take the rudeness as a sign of me not doing my job well when in reality their issues are being shown on their sleeve. Now I blow off people’s rude behavior at the beginning of the meal and make my final conclusion of how their personality is at the end of the meal after they have eaten.
It takes time to know who people truly are. In a short meeting span one’s true identity cannot be fully revealed. The judgments that people place on each other are never really accurate and only with time can you learn how to interpret their nonverbal messages.
I used to work as a host at Rock Bottom in Campbell, which gets very busy. You're right that you can't get a feel for who a person is in just one meeting. And there's many other factors to consider before taking someone's rude behavior personally. There's many outside factors for why people, especially when going into a restaurant, would act less-than-pleasant. At Rock Bottom there would frequently be a wait list and this undoubtedly made the customers irritated and frustrated. I would feel bad for the servers, because us hosts would hand the customers off to them at their most annoyed and irritated. Also people could be just getting off work and after a long day not be in the mood for "small talk", which could be misinterpreted for rudeness. Or maybe as that guy's wife told you they are just cranky before eating.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that they're smiley and thanking you after the meal and after they got the service shows you're doing your job well.
And unfortunately there's always that one customer who complains about everything, but unlike them we as hosts and servers have to smile and bare it. Well, I just went and called my manager over and let them deal.
Hello Colby,
ReplyDeleteI can certainly relate to you, I am also a server and I have to deal with many customers who are less then happy when they arrive at there table. The behavior that you mentioned although it is both non-verbal and verbal I have experienced many times. I think that people get very frustrated and cranky when they are hungry and it is easy to take that personally and assume that you have done something wrong.. I certainly judge people at the beginning of the meal, and I definitely think negatively of people that are rude, or sending non-verbal messages and I usually explain it to myself as the people are just not nice, but I have noticed that people definitely are a lot nicer after they have eaten.. And some people are just having a bad day and it is good not to take it personally.
That’s so interesting! I enjoyed reading your post, Kolby.
ReplyDeleteI have never been a server, but I have been intern for two different companies. As you know, this is a very stereotyped role within an organization. So I do understand what you are talking about. Some people seem mean, but it turns out that they are really nice people.
I remember having made my own assumptions about some executives who worked with me in Brazil. My assumptions were all based on how arrogant they looked when they first joined the company. Their formal clothes, their way of talking were the basic premises I used to make my own assumptions. To my surprise, some of those executives were the ones who brought me birthday or Christmas cards and sometimes little gifts when they travelled on business or on vacation. According to them, they wanted me to know that they appreciated who I was and everything I did to make their work easier. Wow, what a slap on my face!
Hence, since one of these surprising moments, I realized that it was not fair to judge anybody just because of nonverbal expressions, such as dress code, title, and so forth. I had to admit: my relationship with people improved tremendously since I realized that the worst thing I can do to jeopardize any relationship is to be judgmental based on what I see on the surface.
Ibirapuera